Musnad Ahmad 1227:10

Narrated to us Abd al-Razzaq, who said: Narrated to us Ma'mar, from al-Zuhri, from Abd al-Rahman ibn Ka'b ibn Malik, from his father, who said: I did not stay behind from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in any expedition he undertook, except for the Battle of Badr. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, did not blame anyone who stayed behind from Badr; he had only gone out intending the caravan, and the Quraysh went out to defend their caravan, so they met without an appointment, as Allah the Almighty said. By my life, the most honorable of the scenes of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, among the people was Badr, and I would not have liked to have witnessed it instead of my pledge on the night of al-Aqaba, where we agreed upon Islam. I did not stay behind from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in any expedition he undertook after that, until the Battle of Tabuk, which was the last expedition he undertook. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, gave permission to the people to depart, and he wanted them to prepare their equipment for their expedition. That was when the shade was pleasant and the fruits were ripe. He rarely wanted an expedition without veiling it with another. (Ya'qub said: From the nephew of Ibn Shihab: "Except that he would veil it with another.") Sufyan narrated it to us, from Ma'mar, from al-Zuhri, from Abd al-Rahman ibn Abd Allah ibn Ka'b ibn Malik, from his father, and he said in it: "He veiled it with another." Then he returned to the hadith of Abd al-Razzaq: He used to say, "War is deception." The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, wanted the people to prepare their equipment for the Battle of Tabuk, and I was at my most capable; I had gathered two mounts, and I was at the peak of my ability for jihad and lightness of equipment. Yet, I was inclined toward the shade and the pleasant fruits. I remained like that until the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, set out early in the morning, and that was on a Thursday; he loved to set out on a Thursday. He woke up having set out, so I said: I will go to the market tomorrow and buy my equipment, then I will catch up with them. I went to the market the next day, but some of my affairs became difficult, so I returned and said: I will return tomorrow, if Allah wills, and catch up with them. But some of my affairs became difficult, and I remained like that until the sin clung to me, and I stayed behind from the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. I began walking in the markets and wandering around Medina, and it saddened me that I did not see anyone who had stayed behind except for a man who was accused of hypocrisy. There was no one who stayed behind who did not think that it would be hidden for him, and the people were many, not gathered in a register. The total number of those who stayed behind from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was eighty-something men. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, did not mention me until he reached Tabuk. When he reached Tabuk, he said: "What has Ka'b ibn Malik done?" A man from my people said: "His two cloaks and looking at his sides have kept him behind, O Messenger of Allah." (Ya'qub said: From the nephew of Ibn Shihab: "His two cloaks and looking at his sides.") Mu'adh ibn Jabal said: "What a bad thing you have said! By Allah, O Prophet of Allah, we know nothing but good." While they were like that, they saw a man whose mirage was moving with him. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: "Be Abu Khaythama," and it was Abu Khaythama. When the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, finished the Battle of Tabuk and returned, and drew near to Medina, I began to remember with what I could escape the anger of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. I sought help for that from every person of opinion among my family, until it was said: "The Prophet is arriving in the morning." The falsehood departed from me, and I knew that I would not be saved except by the truth. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, entered in the forenoon and prayed two rak'ahs in the mosque—he used to do that when he came from a journey: he would enter the mosque and pray two rak'ahs—then he sat down. Those who had stayed behind began to come to him, swearing to him and offering excuses, so he would ask forgiveness for them, accept their outward appearance, and entrust their inner secrets to Allah the Almighty. I entered the mosque, and he was sitting. When he saw me, he smiled the smile of one who is angry. I came and sat before him, and he said: "Did you not buy your mount?" I said: "Yes, O Prophet of Allah." He said: "Then what kept you behind?" I said: "By Allah, if I had sat before anyone of the people other than you, I would have escaped his anger with an excuse, for I have been given eloquence." (Ya'qub said: From the nephew of Ibn Shihab: "I would have thought to escape his anger with an excuse." In the hadith of 'Aqil: "Escape his anger with an excuse." And in it: "It is imminent that Allah will make you angry with me, and if I tell you a truthful story, you will be angry with me for it, but I hope for the pardon of Allah in it.") Then he returned to the hadith of Abd al-Razzaq: "But I have known, O Prophet of Allah, that if I tell you a statement today that you will be angry with me for, and it is the truth, I hope for the pardon of Allah in it. And if I tell you a story today that you will be pleased with me for, and it is a lie, it is imminent that Allah will expose me to you. By Allah, O Prophet of Allah, I was never more capable or lighter in equipment than when I stayed behind from you." He said: "As for this one, he has told you the truth. Get up until Allah decides regarding you." I got up, and people from my tribe rose up behind me, blaming me. They said: "By Allah, we do not know you to have committed a sin before this. Why did you not offer an excuse to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, with an excuse that he would be pleased with you for? Would the seeking of forgiveness of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, not have been enough for your sin? And you did not place yourself in a position where you do not know what will be decided for you in it?" They kept blaming me until I intended to return and call myself a liar. I said: "Has anyone else said this statement?" They said: "Yes, Hilal ibn Umayya and Murara ibn Rabi'a." They mentioned two righteous men who had witnessed Badr, for me in them—meaning an example. I said: "By Allah, I will never return to him regarding this, and I will not call myself a liar." The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, forbade the people from speaking to us, the three of us. I began to go out to the market, and no one would speak to me. The people became unrecognizable to us, until they were not the ones we knew. The walls we knew became unrecognizable to us, until they were not the walls we knew. The earth became unrecognizable to us, until it was not the earth we knew. I was the strongest of my companions, so I would go out and wander the markets, come to the mosque, enter, and come to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and greet him. I would say: "Did he move his lips with the greeting?" When I prayed toward a pillar, I would face him before my prayer, and he would look at me from the corner of his eyes, and if I looked at him, he would turn away from me. My two companions became weak and began to weep night and day, not raising their heads. While I was wandering the market, a Christian man came with food to sell, saying: "Who will direct me to Ka'b ibn Malik?" The people began pointing to me, so he came to me and brought me a letter from the King of Ghassan. In it was: "As to what follows: It has reached me that your companion has shunned you and cast you aside, and you are not in a place of loss or humiliation. Join us, and we will console you." I said: "This is also from the trial and the evil," so I stoked the oven for it and burned it in it. When forty nights had passed, a messenger from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came to me and said: "Separate from your wife." I said: "Should I divorce her?" He said: "No, but do not approach her." The wife of Hilal came and said: "O Messenger of Allah, Hilal ibn Umayya is an old, weak man, so will you permit me to serve him?" He said: "Yes, but he must not approach you." She said: "O Prophet of Allah, he has no movement for anything; he has not ceased to be bowed down, weeping night and day, since his affair was what it was." Ka'b said: When the trial became long for me, I climbed over the wall of Abu Qatada—and he is my cousin—and greeted him, but he did not return the greeting to me. I said: "I adjure you by Allah, O Abu Qatada, do you know that I love Allah and His Messenger?" He remained silent. Then I said: "I adjure you by Allah, O Abu Qatada, do you know that I love Allah and His Messenger?" He said: "Allah and His Messenger know best." I could not control myself and wept, then I climbed over the wall to leave. Until fifty nights had passed from the time the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, forbade the people from speaking to us, I prayed the dawn prayer on the roof of one of our houses, then I sat, and I was in the state that Allah the Almighty described: the earth had become narrow for us despite its vastness, and our souls had become narrow for us. Then I heard a caller from the peak of Sal': "Rejoice, O Ka'b ibn Malik!" I fell down prostrating, and I knew that Allah had brought us relief. Then a man came riding a horse to give me the good news, and the voice was faster than his horse, so I gave him my two garments as a reward for the good news, and I wore two other garments. Our repentance was revealed to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in the third part of the night. Umm Salama said that evening: "O Prophet of Allah, shall we not give the good news to Ka'b ibn Malik?" He said: "Then the people will crush you and deprive you of sleep for the rest of the night." Umm Salama was kind and seeking reward in my affair, and she was saddened by my matter. I went to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and he was sitting in the mosque with the Muslims around him, and he was shining like the shining of the moon; when he was pleased with a matter, he would shine. I came and sat before him, and he said: "Rejoice, O Ka'b ibn Malik, for the best day that has come upon you since the day your mother gave birth to you." I said: "O Prophet of Allah, is it from Allah, or from you?" He said: "Rather, it is from Allah the Almighty." Then he recited to them: {Allah has turned in mercy to the Prophet, the Muhajirin, and the Ansar} [al-Tawbah: 117] until he reached {Indeed, Allah is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful} [al-Tawbah: 118]. He said: "And regarding us, it was also revealed: {Fear Allah and be with those who are true} [al-Tawbah: 119]." I said: "O Prophet of Allah, it is part of my repentance that I will not speak except the truth, and that I will strip myself of all my wealth as charity to Allah the Almighty and to His Messenger." He said: "Keep some of your wealth, for it is better for you." I said: "Then I will keep my share that is in Khaybar." He said: Allah the Almighty did not bestow upon me a blessing after Islam greater in my soul than my truthfulness to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, when I told him the truth, I and my two companions, so that we would not have lied and perished as they perished. I hope that Allah the Almighty has not tested anyone in truthfulness like the test He gave me; I have not intended a lie since then, and I hope that Allah will protect me in what remains.